I Wonder Why...

Recently, my daughter and I decided to have her get her hair cut so it would be healthier. She had had some chemical processing on her hair which left it very dry and brittle in certain areas. There were other reasons, but we decided to cut it down to the natural growth. Her hair is about 3 inches long.

Children seem to be letting her know lately that they don't like it, as well as using it as a means of making fun of her.

She is 8 (soon to be 9 on February 17th). She is a beautiful little girl. Other than now being mistaken for a boy, which she is okay with because she says, "it's an honest mistake," she has now had to endure comments such as, "Hey, it's Afro-Girl!" or most recently, "Hey, why don't you get a pick and go home and pick your fro." And although it has nothing to do with her hair, I think my favorite one so far is the little boy at her school who was telling the kids on the playground that Madissen looked pregnant. Yes, child, my little girl who has a pot-belly BECAUSE SHE'S 8 looks pregnant.

Glad to see things haven't changed since I was a little girl with a significant weight problem.

The saddest thing is that I can't stop it. Children will continue to pick on other children, but I will never understand why children or adults think it is okay to go up to a person and blatantly try to hurt his/her feelings.

Madissen and I went the other day to get manicures, and although she said she gets that these kids are just mean-hearted, I could still see that it hurts her, and that makes me so angry.

What is ironic is that my 8 year old is much more mature about it than I am. I am looking to have a little chit-chat with the parents of these kids and see how they like it to be picked on as you see, I have learned a thing or two about hurting people with derogatory comments. I have also learned a thing or two about hurting people other ways, too. Madissen assures me that that won't solve anything.

I disagree. A good defense is the best offense.

But I am left with repairing my daughter's self-image. I don't see things changing any time soon.

(I did however join her in the cutting off of the hair...except mine may be about 2 inches long... guess those kids can tease me now, too!)

The Greatest Gift

Although I didn't get to spend the holidays with Joe'l as I had intended, he did however give me the greatest gift I have ever received.

I mention this now, because I just redeemed the gift over the weekend.

Drumroll, please...

The gift was a day at Zena's Day Spa! A massage, facial, pedicure, manicure...the works. He took Mads and spent the day with her so I could be pampered with no worries.

I have to say I really, really recommend this treatment for anyone! I have never had a day where I was treated as I was at Zena's. Good for them for such a great business. Good for me for getting to enjoy it!

Thanks, Joe'l for giving me a gift that meant so much more than itself.

Grocery Shopping

Grocery Shopping and Depression. I need a drink. Good thing I bought a bottle.

I want to create healthy meals for myself and my family.

Not very easy.

What is "healthy" is over-priced and/or still includes so many pesticides, chemicals, preservatives etc, etc that it defeats the purpose of being called "healthy."

Oh, but the real junk. Hmmm. Ready in abundance and all on sale.

Our bodies don't stand a chance.

I spent $145.o0 for a combination of items that I have no business putting in my families' bodies (I tried the, "If I can't pronounce the ingredients, I won't purchase this" but whoa did that fail), and items that I generally feel good about.

But, I was still depressed. If you truly want to raise a healthy family, you have to have more money than you know what to do with.

Isn't there something wrong with that?

Fortunately, I get it... the food industry and the pharmacuedical (sp) industry rely on one another. They have the healthiest relationship of all.

Grocery Shopping.

Decisions, Decisions

I realize that I need not make any decisions about my future TODAY, but I would like to feel that I had some direction. I am going to be 32 this year. My daughter will be 9.

When my daughter graduates from high school, I will be 41, which is young enough to start that second career in politics that has been calling me...

I have been thinking lately that I would like to go back to grad. school to get my master's in public relations. This degree would allow me many, many opportunities for life after 40.

Unless...

I still want to marry Joe'l. I think I may even want another child (or two) with him. He's 24 right now, and not ready for marriage or children. That is okay...right now...because neither am I.

But...

I can't say that I won't be ready sooner than he will. I know I will be.

Then I look at life at 41. Married. My oldest a high school graduate. A 4 year old? A 2 year old? All of a sudden I am 56 at the graduation of my youngest. Is that fair to either one of us? Would I be able to have a different career? Would I still want to try a new career if I were newly married and adding to my family? Would I be as involved with children later in life as I was with Madissen? How would I adjust to being a mother with a partner instead of a single mother being both? It is scarey.

Meanwhile...

I will breathe. I will live. I will love. I will continue to learn.

Maybe...

I should just accept life as it happens and not think of everything as a plan?

Maybe sounds nice.

For Stig

Here's a new post!

B

Just like Goldilocks!

Wow! I am at Monroe High School in Michigan today visiting my friend Sara's classroom. I needed this experience to remember why I went into teaching, what I like about teaching, what makes me a good teacher, and that there is such a thing as TOO HARD and TOO EASY on students.

When I began my teaching career in 1998, I was too easy, too nice. I didn't want to offend kids or hurt their feelings. Not that any teacher wants to hurt kids' feelings, but I wanted them to like me. I was way too friendly. I allowed my students to tell me things that I had no business knowing. I wasn't prepared in college to handle the information students were telling me. Unfortunately, I thought that if I were "friends" with my students then they would do their work.

Then, I realized that students had plenty of friends. Most students now-a-days are also coming from homes where their parents want to be their friends, too. Where are these students getting discipline? Where are they being taught how to think for themselves? Where are they being taught the ability to converse with different people with different abilities?

Me.

I went into teaching because I generally like teenagers and I want them to have someone to teach them while being disciplined and friendly at the same time. Just like I had. (Thank you Mrs. Al-Hayani, Mr. Gorringe, Mr. Schultz, Mr. Green).

I like watching students reach an epiphany. It is so satisfying. I like the interaction. I like teenagers! Teaching really is one of the best professions imaginable (that is when government and admin. allow teachers to do their jobs to the best of their abilities :) )!

Monroe High School...too easy.
Sanger High School...too hard? No, not really. But, I have been. Because California standards are some of the strictest in the nation and my own personal high expectations, I have forgotten that I am dealing with kids who have no or little discipline (there are some...blanket statements being made) and that they are ONLY KIDS.

(Before I go any further, to those of you who know me that are reading this, yes, I do realize I am sometimes too hard on Madissen. That is because I spend all day with students who have very little. I am working on that as a seperate issue.)

I am looking forward to 2006 for so many reasons. I needed this trip back here to get my past in check, to get my life in order. And, I did just that.

I am looking forward to my return with my daughter to Fresno to be with Joe'l, to be in the company of good friends, and to get back to a job that I do love and I am good at.

It wasn't a restful vacation, but life lessons are worth much much more.

Not too hard. Not too soft. Just right!

(I'll be home SATURDAY, January 7th)!