Decisions, Decisions

I realize that I need not make any decisions about my future TODAY, but I would like to feel that I had some direction. I am going to be 32 this year. My daughter will be 9.

When my daughter graduates from high school, I will be 41, which is young enough to start that second career in politics that has been calling me...

I have been thinking lately that I would like to go back to grad. school to get my master's in public relations. This degree would allow me many, many opportunities for life after 40.

Unless...

I still want to marry Joe'l. I think I may even want another child (or two) with him. He's 24 right now, and not ready for marriage or children. That is okay...right now...because neither am I.

But...

I can't say that I won't be ready sooner than he will. I know I will be.

Then I look at life at 41. Married. My oldest a high school graduate. A 4 year old? A 2 year old? All of a sudden I am 56 at the graduation of my youngest. Is that fair to either one of us? Would I be able to have a different career? Would I still want to try a new career if I were newly married and adding to my family? Would I be as involved with children later in life as I was with Madissen? How would I adjust to being a mother with a partner instead of a single mother being both? It is scarey.

Meanwhile...

I will breathe. I will live. I will love. I will continue to learn.

Maybe...

I should just accept life as it happens and not think of everything as a plan?

Maybe sounds nice.