Hate--a strong word

Hate. Abhor. Detest.

To me, these are some of the worst words in the English language. Usually, I reserve them for things like war, famine, child abuse, and George Bush.

I have tried for the last eight years to keep from using any of those words in the same sentence with my ex-husband, Madissen father. She is, after all, genetically, a part of him and how could I feel those words toward someone who gave me something so wonderful?

Every summer, I find it gets harder and harder.

He actually thinks Madissen is spoiled. Those of you who know me the best and know Mads the best know that she is anything but spoiled.

Why does he think she is spoiled? She is out there visiting him for 3 1/2 weeks. He took work off the first week she was there. Seemingly sounds good, but he did nothing with her and by that I mean nothing with just her. There are step-kids and a half-sister in the picture. He feels if he does something for Mads, he has to do it for/with the rest of them.

My friends, if you only had your daughter in your home 3 1/2 weeks, wouldn't it seem normal to tell the other kids that they get him for 11 other months out of the year (except 2 weeks at Christmas when Mads goes to visit) and that you would want some one on one time with the one you rarely see? Sure, there should be times when everyone does things together, but SOME one on one time.

She wants him to take her to play basketball or go bowling or do something--just the two of them. He called her spoiled. Said she is used to getting everything she wants.

Pschologically speaking, girls get their sense of self and confidence from their fathers. Their sense of worth is often determined by the worth their father place on them. She so desperately wants him to commit to her. For him to give something up to show he loves her--that she is special. She has been waiting for it since she was 4. When he moved his then girlfriend and her kids in 2 week after Mads and I moved out--she was devistated. She hasn't seen him the same since, but she keep thinking he will change.

How do I get her to understand he will not change and that it is not her fault he is who he is? How do I get her to understand that there is a man here who lives with us now who said today that he understands that he will have to work harder to make her feel special once her baby sister gets here? How do I get her to understand that nothing she does will make him change--not straight As, not her beauty, not her athleticism, not her sweetness, not her generosity--nothing? How do I get her to understand that she is above it all?

I love my daughter and it breaks my heart that the person who shared her creation doesn't see her as worth a one on one date. I will never do that to her--even when this baby gets here--there will always be one on one time for Mads.

Hate. Abhor. Detest.

Gets harder every summer.