Concept REALITY?

Even though my blog title is "Rebecca's Reality" I am having a difficult time these days understanding reality. Walking into my hometown and my parents' home is like walking into the Twilight Zone.

Really. I don't think anyone could be quite aware of why I left the first time around unless some time was spent here. I sit back and ask myself if coming back here was really worth it at all.

In an effort to not become long-winded or too personal, my family is less than dysfunctional. Because I don't know who peaks in at my blog, I can not divulge as much information as I would like. But I just sit back and watch and question.

The worst part is that because I am spending this school year with my parents, I am directly involved, which is affecting me just as it did before. Home is supposed to be the place where you are loved and respected and your accomplishments are celebrated. Supposed to be.

Add that how difficult it is to be away from Joel (and Simon).

I have spent a lot of nights in tears...but my days are spent in anticipation of making my stay out here work. Although I began my blog with the hard stuff, I have been working to ensure that I get my foot in the door at this great school, that Madissen is comfortable with having both of her parents in the same area, and that I take the time necessary to become physically fit again.

I have been working on the curriculum for my teaching job, (Whew...talk about pressure. This job is everything I have always thought would be great, but didn't think existed.) which I will blog more about later. I am really excited for it. The gentleman that I am teaching part time with is excellent. He is so much fun to be around and he is so full of passion for teaching. It is contagious! It feels good to have him in my corner.

I begin back to Master' work Aug. 21. Excited again as well. The classes will be a great weekend filler. Not to mention, I have always loved being the student. Twenty-five page papers excite me. I love being able to exercise analytical thought into writing. I may be needing some help...be ready for questions/discussions.

Madissen starts school Aug. 22. She is already enrolled in soccer, which starts this coming Tuesday. I am really glad that her dad is making a greater effort to help with costs. He bought her cleats today. There are a lot of other issues about her being over at his house that bother me, but one day at a time/one issue at a time. I took her to get her hair relaxed and she looks beautiful and is much more confident. She was really excited about how she looked.

I started going back to the gym to help pass time. I am really excited about this too. I reenrolled in the gym I was going to before I moved. When I started going to the gym, which is a women's only gym, in 1999, I weighed 253 pounds. (My heaviest was 273 when I left the hospital after having Mads in 1997.) When I moved to California, I weighed 175. Although I am back to about 180, I am excited to go back to the place that was so important to my original weight loss. Goal set: lose the last 30.

And tonight, I just babysat my neices tonight, which is the first time for that. It was nice to be able to spend some quality time with them. They are beautiful little girls.

I am working at it!