Some help with reality...
All right...
So Madissen's father is not going to change and I am going to have to deal with the same headaches as before (planning her visitation schedule which is a waste of time because there really is no "visitation" going on for the most part, worrying about her when she does visit as he undermines the way I have brought Mads up, worry about the lack of activity she gets as well as her fast food diet also while visiting, arguing about money issues as he thinks the "child support" he gives me covers everything she participates in as well as a little extra to have my hair and nails done, etc...).
I cannot for the life of me understand why this little girl of mine keeps giving him chance after chance after broken promise after broken promise. Funny, I am the one who follows through on his promises for him.
He talks to her once a week and sees her once a month...AND WE LIVE 40 MINUTES away!
ok...so like I said, nothing is changed and I highly doubt anything will change.
Question is...what advice do you all have on making this move, this time around, easier for me and for Mads?
I mean, what I would like is to think that I can...have...will create a "family" back in Fresno that will combat the negativity. The family we have here isn't really much of a family and I think that is what she is looking for the most...a group of people to belong to that love her. I am not enough.
We have Joe'l and that is a blessing. He is a good father figure to her, but she needs...wants extended family.
But...any other advice? Ideas? Whaddaya have folks...cuz I AM NOT coming back for it to be like it was...
:) Peace
posted by Rebecca at
6:27 PM
3 Comments:
"I cannot for the life of me understand why this little girl of mine keeps giving him chance after chance after broken promise after broken promise. Funny, I am the one who follows through on his promises for him."
this sucks. but i'll tell you why, from my own experience. he is her father. and, as shitty as he may be (or whatever), he will still be her father. and she will want to connect to him, have him in her life, get some approval that may never come. honestly, i look @ my own life, and have seen that feeling, desire, etc and realized that it was my mom taking care of so much. and even though i knew that, i still wanted my dad's approval/participation in my life.
i don't know if it helps, but you almost just have to let her want that and maybe get hurt. but, you and joe'l have to just shower her with way more love and attention than seems right @ times. otherwise she may grow up to be a little girl always looking to please a man, doing whatever it takes to feel loved. and, when she's old enough, she may understand who was always there, who always provided, who always loved.
as for extended family, shoot, i don't even know how to have that outside of having family around. which somewhat sucks, as a significant portion of your extendo family will be back east.
8:17 PM
You know...your words do make a difference. I probably need to set my hurt feelings aside and look at what you are saying to be true. It isn't a knock against me that she feels the way she does. She trusts me. She feels safe with me, which is why she can leave me. As for extended family, maybe Uncle Ed and Aunt Heather could use some kid company. Good for Heather, my kid isn't the kind that makes you wonder about condom sales. Thanks, Ed.
8:50 PM
Yeah, what Ed said. Wish I could add to it.
6:11 PM
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